Like November

You were dark
like a crisp November day
cold and beautiful and confident
touching me from the inside out
and oh how good it felt to have you in my head
to hear your voice call me baby
to hold your icy hands
knowing this could not last forever
but you were never meant to be permanent

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Temporary

Temporary;
Quick and painful
like the way you went from
holding my hand to
holding my throat
like the instant joy and
sadness you could make me
feel
turning me on
and off like a light switch
like the hole
your absence punched into
my heart
when I only wanted
your presence
and all that I had ever felt
came bursting through the flood gates

Temporary;
Short and sweet
like the way your lips wrote
love poems on my
neck and left me
breathless
like the sound of your
tired voice calling
me ‘baby’
like the fire you
lit in my
heart that tried to
keep me warm

Temporary;
Like the way you
said you loved me
that never had
me convinced

Moving On

I constantly reopen old wounds
hoping that maybe they won’t hurt as much this time
hoping that maybe I really have moved on
but perhaps I’ll never “move on”
as much as become accustomed to it
too well acquainted with the cuts you
left on me
too familiar with this painful
instability
to ever let them fully heal

First Degree

This emptiness
this agonizing ache
I cannot manage
to rid myself of
keeps it hand
firmly planted on
my shoulder
always there to
remind me of
every knife you twisted
deeper and deeper into
my spine
turning my mind
into a slab of paralyzed matter,
where it is cold and numb
and dead
and the worms have
already begun to make
their homes.
And I still cannot
fathom why I
needed to be stabbed
at all.

Another Stomach Ache

There is a disease that has consumed me
A disease some might call love
Others, infatuation
Yet this foolishness
This gambling of emotions
Is only ever temporary
Soul mate is a rather nonsensical term
And all you ever did for me
Was make my stomach ache

This is starting to hurt too much

My heart is aching
And you have no idea
You have no idea
How many times I wished I was drunk
How many times I cried myself into an icy stupor
In order to avoid feeling the great amount of pain that I do
And I know you are finding yourself
As you should
But you have taken a piece of myself with you
And I would like to have it back
I would like to have you back in my arms
Caressing my face and telling me that everything will be okay
As I have always told you

Sunscreen

And when I think of you
I think of morning doves
Singing ballads in the a.m.
Soaring high above the treetops
On the street where you live

I think of you and I see cloudy skies
Dulled and gray and dismal
Warning me that there is rain to come

I think of you and I hear the bomb tick
Slowly and then faster
As I await the explosion of time
But the sun always made the burns worth it
It’s warm rays somewhat comforting

And when I think of you
I think of sunscreen

When You Meet Someone

It is only when you meet someone that you realize how lonely you are,

how empty you feel inside,

when you’re alone with yourself,

when you’re alone with your thoughts,

and your memories,

and your pain.

The Unthinkable

I never thought that I would smile,

that I would hear you breathe rhythmically,

in sync with my own heartbeat,

that my hand would reach out for yours

even if you were not near.

I never thought that I could love,

that I could open up my heart and bleed

without feeling ashamed,

that my world would be forever altered by your touch.

 

Queer As Folk

Queer As Folk was a television show on Showtime that had five fabulous seasons. The show chronicled the lives of a select group of friends, all of whom were gay. It was the first predominantly gay show  I had ever seen. (Sorry, but Will & Grace doesn’t really apply, even though I love that show.) Most shows that even contained gay characters usually only had one or two, at best. It was nice to see a show that was completely unfocused on heterosexuality, for once.

The characters of Queer As Folk, contained great depth and personality. When I watched the series for the first time, I felt myself fully invested in their lives and well-being, and most importantly, I wanted to know what would come next for each and every one of them. The show observes the complex and rather ordinary lives of a group of homosexual friends, and a heterosexual mother, whose son, Michael,  is the best friend of an arrogant and stud-like Brian Kinney. Brian enjoys clubbing, drinking, and most of all, fucking. While the show does demonstrate the extensive club life and sex life of most of the friends, it also reveals the loyal(and sometimes unusual)relationships that they take on, whether they be platonic or romantic.

I highly recommend this show to anyone, gay or not. It is a very heartfelt tale with a lot of fun.