This is not about you

This is not about you.
This is not about about all those times you made me feel worthless and pathetic or how you spat my own name in my face like a curse.
This is not about how your betrayal ripped a giant gaping hole in my heart that I have not yet even begun to patch up. I can only keep ripping off the bandaid to remind myself of what it feels like to hurt.
And this is not about how your name will forever feel like acid on my tongue, burning the back of my throat as I try to smother the urge to scream it out into the night.

This is not about you.
This is about me.
This is about all the hurt and torment I have endured as I passively watched you set me on fire. This is about my struggle to love myself to fill the hole that you made, as you left me to fend for myself like a lonely and wounded animal.
This about how I will rise high above the flames and spread my hatred like wildfire, so that maybe one day, it might reach you.
This is about how I hope neither heaven nor hell will take you, for you would surely be a disappointment to both.

So, no. This is not about you.
This is about me,
like it always has been.


Author: Catherine Caruso

Writer of words. Lover of dogs.

62 thoughts on “This is not about you”

  1. This is a moving piece- well done.
    Is the “you” you are referring to actually yourself? Or maybe that is just how I am reading it because I often feel my own self in the way of the path I want to walk. Anyway, keep on writing and thank you for liking my poem: A piece of a peace of mind.

    1. Thank you! It is both me and not at the same time. I have also highly exaggerated the situation for artistic purposes.

  2. So, so hurt. It is killing you inside
    You will overcome your hate
    You will be whole again
    For you are stronger than he.
    I see no tears are split
    only for you.

  3. So beautiful, amazingly deep, and usually how I’m feeling. I just subscribed to your blog and started reading a few, they are all very good, and the kind of poetry I write, and enjoy reading, feeling the pain through the story in words. Keep up the Awesome work!

  4. Loved your poem…
    2013 was a very difficult year for me, and I wrote a LOT of cathartic “poetry” that was filled with pain and hate throughout the grieving/healing process. Very very dark stuff that I will likely not share. You have managed to elevate your feelings, and honour them in an honest yet elegant manner. Well done!

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