Just Because You Regret It, Doesn’t Mean It Was Rape

Rape is a very serious issue and crime. To think that there are people (men) out there taking it lightly is very disturbing. Women know the difference between regretting a sexual encounter and rape. Thanks for giving us so much credit. I mean how could we possibly distinguish between two entirely different situations? If men are fed up with women talking about rape, then maybe they should stop the act of raping, itself. I am by no means claiming that every man out there has or will rape someone. There are so many good men in the world, or at least men who wouldn’t dare to rape anyone. My point is, that it is not very often (at all) that you hear of a female rapist. It, primarily, just doesn’t happen. I’m sure there are a few cases, (*cough* Pedophiles *cough*) but not enough to be compared to the number of male rapists and increasing amount of rapes.

Women are not the only victims of rape. Both men and children are at risk. This seems fairly obvious, but quite a few people overlook this. Rape and/or sexual assault are not just women’s issues, they are men’s issues too. Somehow, society molds and shapes men into beings that feel the need to act violently and aggressively to the point where they are craving power and sex and the need to assert their dominance. Rape would seem like a good solution to fill this need. However, this is a highly irrational way of thinking. Abusing someone is not going to fix your problems, it is only going to create a bigger mess.

The men who are responsible for this “campaign” are not only insulting a woman’s intelligence, but also attempting to supply an excuse for their own reckless sexual behavior. Look guys, you can have as much sex as you want as long as she is aware of that and willing. If you’re not willing to pay the consequences for your actions, then maybe you’re not mature enough to be engaging in any sexual activity at all.

Author: Catherine Caruso

Writer of words. Lover of dogs.

18 thoughts on “Just Because You Regret It, Doesn’t Mean It Was Rape”

  1. Ha, when I read the title of this post I was sure I was going to be angry at the end of reading it…but clicked on it anyways. I could not agree with you more and I wish more people would be proactive in moving us away from our rape culture…Thanks for posting!

  2. This is one of the best commentaries I have ever read on a subject which is disturbing and troublesome. I cannot agree enough with every paragraph. As a man, I am appalled at the “cop out” pleas made by men with regards to an act which is clearly and unequivocally WRONG. I have no patience for the lines of reasoning which our sexist/patriarchal society offers which not only enables a rapist mentality but damn near justifies this horrid human rights crime/violation. We men have got to stop blaming OUR issues on the victim. How a woman dresses or presents herself, or how much I have had to drink do not have a damn thing to do with the issue. I am 52 years old, and have admired the attractive qualities both intellectual and physical) of females for 40 years, yet so help me, I have NEVER even thought about FORCING sex. You so very well pointed out that rape is a MALE ISSUE, with the victims caught in the process of dominance/violence. Rape is not about sex. Rape is not about enticement. Rape is not about a “free love” culture. Rape is about power, dominance, and violence. Those men who are rapists or potential rapists need to take responsibility for THEIR OWN thoughts and actions, and seek professional help if need be before they destroy yet another life. (Thank you for this wonderful article. Again, I think your commentary on this subject one of the best I have ever read on the subject. Davey Lee)

  3. Great post. Have you read The Macho PAradox by Jackson Katz or seen his Ted talk? Worth looking up. He talks a lot about this subject, and it’s lovely to hear it from a guy who gets it!

    1. Thanks! I haven’t read The Macho Paradox, but I have seen his Ted talk, and I found it to be quite refreshing and enlightening.

  4. It’s much like the whole “don’t wear short skirts or you’re asking for it” argument. At the very least do men not see how self-insulting it is? Implicit in that argument is that all men are born rapists and are constantly restraining ourselves, just wait for short skirt to trigger our carnal instincts.

  5. I was almost certain before I read this that this would give me some hints as to what I believe is a MRA strawman argument that women will claim that sex they regret should be considered rape. Any idea of where MRAs are getting this notion or are they just pulling it out of their ass?

  6. Thanks for your like. Interesting post, though, out of interest (obviously this may be private info) in what country do you live? I’m from the UK and, as far as I know, it’s not possible for a woman to rape someone here, she can commit a sex crime, but to be rape it must be penetrative sex. Thus, to a certain extent, stats are misleading.

  7. It has now gotten to the point that I am sorely tempted to swear off sexual contact of any kind for the foreseeable future. If I meet a woman while I am out, she has had a few drinks and so have I, and we have sex, I’m headed to jail. I am a large an physically imposing sort of fellow, that means that even if she is stone sober, she can still send me to prison on the idea that I am so big and scary that she was afraid to tell me so when she changed her mind. And let’s not forget the new idea floating around that emotional distress is being considered a form of intoxication, and therefore a woman under extreme emotional stress in her life (death in the family, recent divorce, loss of job, etc) is not capable of giving or denying consent due to her heightened emotional state. More and more, it seems like I am pretty much doomed to either prison or at least having my life utterly destroyed due to what was seemingly consensual sex.

      1. Yes it is. But not my logic. My logic is fairly sound. Any sexual act I commit that does not consist of begging, apologies, constant consensual reassurance and submission is either rape, near rape, mental rape, rape fantasy or based on a desire to harm women. That’s the insane logic. That’s what feminism raised me to believe. Never be assertive, hate myself for being born a male, submit completely to the feminine ideal and never argue it disagree. Any sexual fantasies or strong sexual attractions I felt were pre-rape ideation and should be ignored and a cause for shame. Just further proof that I am a disgusting male animal. I finally reached a place in my life where I understood that all of that was crazy feminist bullsh*t, and I was finally free to like myself despite the obvious hatred for my gender and I. Able to understand that despite the holy wisdom of the sacred feminine mystique, not all men are rapists, no matter how much feminism dates that to be true. Maybe I don’t have to hate my every sexual thought as proof of misogyny and rape culture. Maybe finding a woman physically attractive isn’t objectification and bigotry. I might be ok out there. Now I am being told that if I sleep with a woman who has had a drink or two, and she wakes up the next day saying “I never would have slept with him if I were sober”, I’m going to either go to prison or have my life and career shattered and ruined by a rape accusation. It’s just not worth the risk. If my choices are between sniveling on the ground and begging for permission to be touched, prison, and onanism. I’ll take door number three. The other two are rather unappealing.

  8. Chase has the right of it.
    Sorry your nose is out of joint over that.
    “No. Goodbye.”
    Sorry honey, the parody poster itself is also correct.
    Regrets afterwards don’t equal rape.

    And society these days says that it is sexual harassment to hold a door open for a woman.
    It is also wrong to compliment her on her looks, it is discriminatory to NOT compliment her, and dating?
    Forget it.
    You are a cheapskate if you don’t pay for dinner, but you are sexist and overbearing if you do.

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